Your Kids & Addiction

drugs 1No parent wants addiction as part of their child’s reality and it is a devastating ordeal for many folks experiencing it right now. It touches so much more than the individual, it affects the macrocosm. There are many forms of addiction, but for the purpose of this blog, we are discussing substance addiction.

It is a vital talking-point particularly because it’s effects are so dire. It’s effect on our society, our economy but more importantly our familial fiber, is devastating. It is important to note not every kid experimenting with harmful substances becomes an addict. There are various factors that will contribute to it, genetic predisposition being one of it. But even so, does not necessitate a self-fulfilling prophecy.

However, the naked truth remains; your kids will experiment with drugs and or alcohol. Chances are, so did you.

The more pressing issue is how are you arming your kids for this encounter? Are you scaring them into submission by pointing out the toothless junkie on TV? The homeless man on the street? The vandals, the criminals and degenerates…? Your parable renders itself mighty hopeless when your kid meets the wealthy, well-dressed, drug-enthusiast, with really good teeth

Instead of fear, how about teaching your kids the value of bravery. Bravery to express their true selves. Bravery to live authentically and not be persuaded because the masses comply. If your kids do not fear their individuality in their home, they will not fear it outside of the home.

Arm them with the ability to think independently by showing them you value their opinions. Allow them to make right and wrong decisions in a safe space, once again, in the home. Praise their good choices and chat about the not-so-good-one’s. When the time comes for your kid to start managing peer pressure he is able to step-up to the the  plate with confidence, discerning for himself whether this is a smart or not-so-smart choice, because he has had practice-runs leading up to this very moment. And as defining as this moment is for your kid, it is just as important to you. This is the moment you will know whether or not you have taught your kid that he has the power to save himself from drowning, by just standing up.

Last but not least, Step up Yourself. You cannot teach your kids the value of moderation when you do not have it yourself. You are regularly out of commission with hangovers but expect your kid to call-it when he’s had enough. You cannot feed your kids excessively, indulge their every whim, allow unlimited television and gaming hours, yet expect them to manage their extreme behaviors and addictive inclinations. The medicine cabinet in your bedroom is overflowing with prescription meds and a fun family outing needs a play-area and a slot machine.

You’re worry about your kids not listening to you, you should be worried about them watching you.

If you expect to raise kids with impulse-control, you have got to show some yourself. Stop abdicating. Setting and managing boundaries are your responsibility, your kids were never meant to manage this themselves and when you let them, it is simply bad parenting.

Take a deep breath and remember Your temporary behavior, becomes their permanent consequence. 







The Gender-Specifics of falling inlove… Life-Coaching Blog

When I conducted this survey initially, I posed the question to my audience”Is romantic love gender-specific?”And many answered instinctively, ‘No it’s Not. It’s about the spiritual connection. The intellect. The values,’ and a host of very socially correct opinions.

But when we explored these just a little deeper with a follow-up question: ‘have you ever been in love with someone who possesses all the characteristics your soul desires, but the person was of an unconventional or same sex?’ I say unconventional, because it related to my gay audience, as same-sex would not apply.

The answer to this question was somewhat less forthcoming.29304-Retro-Summer

Theoretically, we all want to live an authentic life. What we often dont realize is how many challenges accompany the Authentic Life. It is exceptionally bold and brave of anyone defying the norm to follow their heart. It is a mammoth step in an unknown direction when you fall in love with someone undefined by your or society’s expectations.

If falling in love is the uniting of two hearts and two souls, do not for one moment feel as though the heart and soul you desire needs to conform to a gender. What does the soul know of such a distinction? Nothing! Love is all about the balance two people bring to each other.And sometimes, just sometimes, the heart sees what the eyes cannot…







“Yours, Mine & Ours…”

Family.jpgFalling in love is amazing! Especially when you have no doubt you have found the one!

You have literally found the other half of your soul. From the time you met, you knew  it was meant to be.The courtship has been blissful and exciting. There have been some rough patches, but your value systems are so aligned, you’ve managed to work things out seamlessly. You both recognize the importance of good communication. It is a key value in your relationship and has been held in high esteem from the very beginning. You have overcome your fair share of obstacles thus far, and you both are ready to take the next step.

So you decide to move in together or even get married. Your confidence soaring because you have gotten really lucky finding your soul mate. You’re completely connected. Your hearts are intertwined. You have so much in common; including your kids…

A massive Well Done to those of you who have embraced this type of blended family. You have entered into it with the best of intentions no doubt. But how does it really work, practically..? It is all fine and well promising and most likely intending to treat ‘his’ kids as your own. You purposed in your heart to sincerely make ‘her’ kids the center of your world. No doubt you both really meant it. Until that first tear in the fabric…

You cant reprimand her child. His child treats you like the hired help. He sides with his kids, never with you. She doesn’t want to hear anything about her children, they’re never wrong. She frowns at you when you crack a joke, because it’s not appropriate in front of her kids. So how come she gets to say whatever she wants in front of yours? Then there’s the spending comparisons! Yes this is actually a thing… If he buys something for his, why is he not buying for yours..??  You are trying to teach your kids the value of money and she spoils her kids rotten. They dont need half the things she buys!

And because the kids feed off your energy, they start to manipulate either or both of you. They whisper sweet loads of BS in your ears, and in time become really good at fine-tuning their approach for their desired outcome. And because neither of you want to see the flaws in your kids EGO demands you get your kids on a higher pedestal than the other.


Now let’s throw in some baby-mamma & baby-daddy drama. His ex calls all the shots and when you give an opinion, because after all you are part of this too, you are told to be quiet. It does not concern you. Seriously…? Her ex pays pays for jack, rocks up randomly to visit. Sits in your house, drinking your coffee, but you best leave it alone because ‘dont you want the child to see his father??’ 

Honestly, you both need to check yourselves, before you wreck yourselves. 

You wanted a partner with certain values, whom you have found. Someone who would treat your kids as their own. So why is it wrong for him to reprimand your kid? His own kid would have needed to deal with his reprimands! His own kids would have heard the grumblings about money. She would have shouted at her own kids for treating her like a domestic, why do you feel the need  to protect your kids from it? When she gives you her opinion about your baby-mamma drama, show enough respect to at least consider her perspective. She cares for you and your child. When he gets annoyed at low-life baby-daddy who is actually coming around with  no real plan for the visit, or himself for that matter, take his feelings to heart. He gets up everyday to work for your kid and breaks his back trying to be the best role-model he can be.

Stop getting in each other’s way. You both want the same thing. Trust each other enough to let go. Trust each other enough to allow the other to manage the difficult situations without interference. Trust each other as much as you would, had this been biologically both your kids. It is one thing to say it. It’s a very different matter practicing it, making the mistakes and emerging as a stronger unit moving forward.

But most important of all, stop holding grudges and take your ego out of it completely. This is not a competition, love never is.

But if you’ve hit the worst of it and you are stuck for a loving solution. Turn to each other and say: ‘Alright, let’s flip a coin. Heads Im yours. Tails you’re mine…’