Is there Life after Infidelity..?

Banner 1.jpgCan anyone really move on after being cheated on? Is it even possible to forgive someone who has trashed your love and devotion so severely? Made you feel less-than..?

Is it even reasonable to expect forgiveness after perpetrating an act, which can only be described as an emotional crime?

Whether or not people choose to admit it, everyone have been affected, directly or indirectly by infidelity. In some or other way your relationship has been tested and only you will know whether you have passed or failed.

There are multiple arguments which seek to prove that marriage or being with one person forever is absurd. Infidelity is often used to corroborate the argument. Even the practice of polygamous marriage is purported to contain a side-note of “it curtails infidelity.” Perhaps it does, perhaps it doesn’t… The fact remains most people marry the one person they want to be with forever. Not the three people they kinda like...

The unfortunate reality though is after the fairy-tale of your spouse starts wearing thin, or the novelty of your life-partner has become the norm, selfishness creeps in. Before, it was “all about us,” now “it’s never about me!”  Then someone comes along and makes it all about YOU… 

Or if you are on the other side of this coin, the receiving end of the Me-Syndrome, you are seeing the horror unfold before your eyes. You’re seeing how the different version of your spouse starts to unfold. You see the extra effort being put into a relationship outside of your home. The extra time that goes into their appearance. You feel the silence amidst the words. The lies, late-nights, then lies again. You feel the emotional withdrawal and you are feeling more alone everyday. Everything previously reserved for you now showered on someone else, and it hurts like hell! There’s just no sense or justice in it all. One besotted. The other betrayed.

Could you ever move on after something like this? Would you even want to? You do love each other and perhaps this was temporary weakness…but it could happen again. Could the trust ever be restored? Or will you always be looking for signs of a lie? And what about the kids?

Truth is, no one knows. The answers to all these rests with you. You could be happier than you have ever been the second time around. Or you could choose to move on separately, and live a very happy life. Only you get to live with your choice and only you are accountable for you.

But no matter how you look at it, it’s a matter of forgiveness… Whether you choose to move on or whether you choose to stay. You cant do either without forgiveness. Make no mistake, it will be hard. But forgiveness has never been an attribute of the weak...

Know your worth. Stay true to you. And remember, “Every day is a second chance…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pre-Marital Coaching… Seriously?

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So you’ve found the girl of your dreams. Or Mr Right came dashing in and swept you off your metaphorical feet. All is perfect with the world and the two of you will be together forever.

When the decision to marry has been made, whether 2 months or 2 years into your relationship. When you are on the precipice of marriage, a different euphoria kicks-in and reasoning is lost. As a Bride-to-Be, you are caught-up in the Dream. As a Groom-to-Be, you want to Scream.  But eventually all the anxiety comes together on that beautiful day  when you both say I Do.   marraige 3

Now what…?

 He wants his Mother to move in. She says no!  She goes to Church every Sunday, He says hell no. She says no going out with the boys, He says are you crazy? She wants to have kids right away, He says we need more time. There has never been a discussion about kids, well not seriously anyway… So what on earth is happening? This is nowhere near what either of you envisioned it would be. You know you love each other, but everything else is broken.

The truth of the matter is, just like anything we do for the first time, some measure of preparation is needed. This doesn’t imply that you dont know how to love your Spouse. It only enhances your ability to do it better. Amidst all the euphoria, it is important to know that a beautiful wedding is not the goal. A successful marriage is…

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Remember, “A wedding is only the beginning of an undertaking that may or may not, someday, develop into a marriage.” David and Vera Mace

 

For more information or to Book a Coaching Session visit: http://www.juanitachristianslifecoach.co.za

 

 

 

 

So Your Child is Gay…

Teen 2 So your Gay child has come out, and your world has ended. Life as you know it is over, you failed as a parent and there is just no way you could ever live this down!

If you are a typical parent, this is how you feel. Kudos to the Not So Typical Parents. Although today is not about you, let’s make it about you real soon, ok?

Flashing back through your child’s earlier years you cant help but wonder whether you missed the signs? Was it your fault? Were you too hard, too soft? Where exactly did you go wrong. Is this genetic? There will need to be an inquest into whose side of the family this comes from.

How on earth  are you going to fix this??

Then there is the brand new issue of how are you going to tell your family, especially your Mother. What about your friends… ok perhaps they dont need to know. Then there’s your church, who will surely damn your child to hell!! Maybe you would have been better off not knowing. This is trauma! It’s like the child you knew is gone. It feels a bit like death.

Now that you have had your moment, let’s wake-up. As much as this is about you, it’s actually not. You have made your life’s choices, your child is merely doing the same. Please recognize how good of a parent you are, having created a platform of love and respect, which enabled your child to open up to you. Further to this, you’ve raised someone brave, bold and capable of making the hard choices, the tough decisions.For this you should be proud. You actually dont even have to do much. Just love your child. They’re not gone, this is still the very same person you have known and raised your whole life.

I know you are scared. And I recognize your anxiety stems from fear. Fear of a difficult life for him / her. Fear that they will be rejected by society, their work-place, church and just about everywhere else outside of your home. You’ve always envisioned them as happy, successful, giving you lots of grand-kids. News-flash, your child will still have all this.

OK, there’s some work to do on the grand-kids, but its possible…

Until now you have not thought about how ready our world is for your Gay son or daughter…While you were living in the blissful unknown, thinking this would never happen to you, the world was busy evolving. And lets face it, the world is just more more colorful with gay people in it.

The family, friends or church whose judgement you fear and who actually is a big part of your anxiety, all have their own drama. If you remove them from your thought-process and think only of the love and support you are prepared to shower over your child, life instantly becomes good again. Remember, you haven’t failed, you have succeeded. Your child is whole. Unlike so many who have come before who have not lived to tell the tale, because parents have shunned them. Because parents were unable to deal with their own distorted notions and too weak to stand-up to the misguided notions of others.

If you are religious, this poses a particular challenge for you, because religion as a practice does not accept homosexuality as a life-choice. Do not misunderstand, I am referring to Religion; not Spirituality. I cannot tell you how to exercise your faith, but as a Minister’s kid, I can tell you that the unconditional love of my parents contributed directly to the success I consider myself to be.

Reality is, there’s nothing you can do. You can choose to live happily ever after, or not.  Come on Parents, make good choices…